


Ten

by berrystraw099



Category: Taynew
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:48:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrystraw099/pseuds/berrystraw099
Summary: “Don’t be like this Te. New wants you to be there and you fucking let go of him right when he found his happiness. What kind of best friend are you? Idiot!”
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Ten

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Moira's "Paubaya" and I suggest that you listen to it while reading this. Idk. There's no special effect ro what I just knew that it fits the mood. HAHAHA. Happy reading!

“Okay! Cut! That’s a wrap!

Everyone’s clapping their hands. It’s a wrap for a new series and they are very excited for this last scene. Staffs are all hugging and congratulating one another. Some are even crying. Too overwhelmed that the work is done and they will miss each other very much. They are used to be with each other for 9 months and now that the filming ends, they all know that it’s impossible for them to gather like this again.

Tay and New are all roaming around the set to congratulate the staffs. The director shouts their name and they both went to their Phi for a hug which is gladly accepted by P’Mek, their director.

They are both teary as they let go of the hug. P’Mek looks at them and smiles.

“You both did a good job. I know it may be hard for you lately and I can sense it that both of you are struggling with something personal but you both did well. I am so proud of you guys for being professional. Let’s see each other at the after party okay?”

P’Mek can feel the tension as he let go from the two boys who are left standing on the same spot in the set. New is looking at the ground, holding both of his hands, waiting for something he didn’t even know while Tay just turn his back from New, hands on his waist, looking up from time to time and just keep his breathing steady to not let any tears fall. Until he heard New speak.

“I can’t go to the after party. I’ll go somewhere tonight and will stay there for days. I might spent my day off as well and proba--” He was cut off when he saw Tay turn around and face him. That sparks from his eyes and the lips that are trying to stay calm but he knew deep inside that there are a lot more to hear from the man. Tay looks at him and smile.

“Will it be not okay if you can at least stay for the after party? P’Mek is expecting us to at least be the-”

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” New, this time cut him off and Tay can feel that pang in his heart. He saw in his eyes that he really wants to go but what can he do? New will always slip away from his grasp and even if he try harder to at least get this last chance to be with the man, he can’t even do it. He can’t promise a thing to the man, what is his right to keep him?

Tay steps back, three to be exact while looking at New. New looks at him and put his head down before turning his back from Tay and walk away from him.  
  


_Three steps away. If I can do this until ten, I will finally let you go._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

“Peng, where are you?”

“Condo. It’s my rest day tomorrow and I’m up watching movies now. Why?”

“I’m at your building. Can you fetch me here in the lobby? I’m actually wet, the guard here gave me a towel to use but please go down.”

“Tay! What the hell! It’s raining so hard! And why are you wet?”

“Just fetch me here, Off. Please.” Tay turn off the call and hold the towel around him. It’s getting cold in Thailand and he didn’t even know why. It’s not even November and yet, it feels cold. He knew he will hear a lot of lecture from Off but he just need someone to be with him for now. 

He can see Off went out of the elevator and he can read his glaring eyes. He catches the towel throw at him and he can sense Off is pissed off by now.

Tay followed Off after returning the towel he used and thank the personnel. They went inside the elevator.

“New?”

“Yes.”

“How many?”

“Three.”

“Shit. That must hurt you a lot to step back three immediately we just started counting yesterday. This is the first counting right?”

“Yes.”

“Tay..”

“I know. I just need someone right now so bear with me and let me sleep here because you-”

“I know. New is not available and you’re supposed to stay at the after party but you left and that’s because your bf is not there. Come on, Tay.”

“He’s with his girlfriend now, Peng. I just.. I need to just stay here. Just please let me stay.”

Off looks at his friend and he felt his heart breaking as he saw Tay in his wet hair, eyes teary and breathing heavily as if stopping himself from making a sound. Off heard the sound indicating they are on his floor. He held Tay’s head and push him with him to go out and they went inside his condo.

———————————————————-

“Now tell me why are you here and not at the after party?”

“I’m here to spend time with you. I miss you okay?” New replied while looking at the woman in front of him. He smiles and holds her hand as the woman gets closer to him and hugs him. They are at the condo of his girlfriend after he left the shooting and decided to not attend at the after party. 

“Are you seriously ignoring Tay?”

“We’re not supposed to talk about it, love. I’m with you. Can we just savor this moment and not think about anything else?”

“But…”

“No buts. Tay will always be a friend to me and that will never change. Please don’t overthink.”

“I’m not overthinking. I’m just worried that he will feel left out just because you have a girlfriend. I know for sure that your friendship with Tay is different from your other friends and he’s that important.”

New went silent and so the woman he’s hugging let go and looks at him worriedly.

“You always tell me that Tay will understand. I know that New. But Tay… he looks at you differently. He cared so much about you.”

“It’s just an after party celebration, please don’t make me feel guilty about it.” New felt that guiltiness creeping in inside of him as he looks at his girlfriend. He surely understand what she meant. It will always be a special series for him and Tay because they really prepared themselves for this. But things happened and now he fell for the girl in front of him along the way and surely, he felt that gap after what happened and he could still feel how much frustrations he felt after he broke the news to Tay. The man looks at him without any emotions with eyes but as if was struck by the moment, Tay smiled at him and congratulate him about it.

New always thought that his best friend will always understand and be there for him. Tay will always wish for him to be happy every 3am that they will talk about how sad he was for longing something he did not have. Tay will always join him with his 2am food trip because he’s craving for something. Tay will be sleepy as hell during those 1am calls he made with the man and he will just bother him to wake up and New will pick him up to eat. Tay will always tell him to join with his friends so he will not be too lonely if he is not around and though there are times when he will surely show to the fans that he doesn’t want New around with his friends, Tay will surely stay with him until dinner and even go to gym after to end the night.

Now what he doesn’t understand is that, he found his happiness now and when he announced it to Tay, the man did not even compose a whole new message of congratulatory for him. He’s expecting for Tay to tease him that finally, after bothering him for a year, he will finally rest from the man. He’s expecting a little happiness from the man but what he received is a simple smile, a tap on the shoulder, and “congratulations” and then the cold treatment.

“Tay looks at you the way I look at you, New. I just think that you’re missing something?”

“What do I miss?”

“I don’t know, you think.”

“I don’t miss anything and I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

“New please..”

“Please I just want to rest today. I have it until tomorrow. Just give me this?”

The woman sighs and just nodded. She understands but she knew that there’s something wrong but she will let it slip away this time. New needs some rest.

“Cuddle time before you sleep?” she asked him while smiling softly.

“Yes baby, please.” New sleepily replied and hugs her.

\-------------------------------------

_It was 2am and the two guys are sitting on the swing at the playground. They decided to drink a little before going out to their favorite place near New’s condo. Tay will stay with him for tonight because according to him, he needed some attention since he’s feeling a little down today. He cannot think of another person to give him so much attention other than Tay. So he decided to fetch Tay at this random hour and invite the man to do this crazy thing with him._

_Now New is sitting on the swing while Tay push it for him._

_“Te, this is so fun and I hate to say this but you’re right. Swings are created to make you feel better.”_

_Tay laughs at him and push him again._

_“I told you. You hate to admit that I’m right all the time.”_

_“Te, only this time.” New said and laughs. Tay keeps on pushing the swing but this time, harder than the last so New enjoys so much._

_“Do you feel better now?” Tay asks as he waits for the swing to slow down and looks at New._

_“I feel better when I’m with you Te.” New said while smiling and looking up the sky while the swing is still moving._

_Tay looks at the man in front of him. This is so childish and their fans didn’t even know they are doing this at this hour. He wants to capture this moment and so he gets his phone inside his pocket and record New while playing on the swing._

_“Te, I can see you and I know you will not post it because it’s me and it’s only for you.” New smiles at him and wave at the camera. Tay smiles at him and nods._

_“Hi! I’m New Thitipoom and the one recording is Te Tawan, the man who can make me feel better and today, I will announce to y’all that he did something right. He told me that swings will make you feel better so we found this playground and play with swings and he’s right everyone. Finally, Te Tawan is right and I will not argue about it.”_

_Tay tried not to laugh and let New talk but as soon as the man finish his moment, Tay can’t help but laugh with him._

_“Did I hear it right that this is the first time I said something right huh?”_

_“Yes! Most of the time you just spill things even if they are meant to be kept private.”_

_“Haha! I know!”_

_“See you admit it. Finally we did not argue this time guys. It’s a miracle.” New continue to look at the camera while Tay smiling behind and continue to record the man._

_“Te Tawan will always be that person you can lean on. I should say this because I know he will not post this video and that I know he will repeat this every day.”_

_“Shut up, New. I will stop recording now.” Tay said but as soon as he said it, New grab the phone on his hand and run. Tay tried to catch New but the man is so fast considering that they have liquor on their bodies but New is really that competitive. He gave up and sits on the swing instead._

_New went up to him and this time he’s holding Tay’s phone continue recording Tay._

_“Te Tawan, will you promise me something?”_

_“After snatching my phone, you think I will promise you something? Shut up. Give it to me.” Tay tries to reach for his phone but New walks away immediately while still recording him._

_“Heyyyy! Stop. I will record this and you will keep this as one of your favorite video. I swear.”_

_Tay did not reply and looks at him angrily. New laughs at him and continue with his talking while pointing the camera to Tay._

_“Tay smile and listen, please.” New said_

_“Whatever. Do what you want.” Tay said as he plays with the swing instead._

_“Te…” When Tay heard that call, he stops immediately and sighs._

_“Fine fine. Go talk.”_

_“See that everyone? He’s listening to me!” New said and laughs, Tay wants to punch the man but stops as he saw New pouts behind the camera and he just simply go back sitting._

_“Alright, I cannot finish this Te Tawan please cooperate.” New said teasingly while smiling at him._

_Tay did not answer as he looks away from the camera and swings softly._

_“Te, even if you’re mad right now I just want you to promise me something tonight.” Tay looks at him with disbelief._

_“I always promise something to you every night we are together.”_

_“Are you complaining huh?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Whatever just promise this again tonight. This Te Tawan should not be broken or else I will break your neck.”_

_“I will break your skull.”_

_“Right! I will break your arms!”_

_“Ahuh? I will break your ribs!”_

_“Oh really? Then let me break your heart!”_

_“The fuck are you talking about?”_

_“The fuck are you replying about?”_

_“Shut up New. I don’t like it.”_

_“Don’t break this Te Tawan.”_

_“Just say it, you fatty!”_

_“Be there, when I find my happiness. Be there for me.”_

_“When did I miss important events from your life ever since we became friends?”_

_“Be there when I get the happiness I always long for. Be there for me Te. You have to promise that.”_

_“I don’t need to promise anything Hin. You know that I will be there.” Tay said as he looks seriously at New. New still holding the camera, smiles at him softly._

_“But promise me something too.” Tay said as he looks at smiling Newwie in front of him._

_“Hm. What is it?”_

_“Promise me that you will find that happiness and will never let that go.”_

_“I promise Te. When will I let go of you? You’re my happiness now.”_

_Tay hold back his smile._

_“Shut up.”_

_“What?”_

_“Just do it.”_

_New raise his right hand and show it to the camera._

_“I promise.” He said while smiling showing his teeth._

_Tay looks at him fondly and immediately get his phone from New’s hand and stop the recording._

_“Te! We’re not yet done!”_

_“Let’s play now. It’s so late and we have to prepare for the shoot tomorrow.”_

_“Alright, one last swing and we’re going home.”_

_“Ok! Let’s go!”_

_\-------------------------------_

He’s watching that video at this random hour. He cannot sleep and Off is at his room and he let him have his time and told him to call him if he needs anything. Off talked to him already and he realize something after Off ask him what he will do if New really found his happiness to his girlfriend. Tay cannot answer at first until he remember that one night when he promise something to New. _Be there for me._ He keeps on repeating that on his mind until Off cut his thoughts and ask him again.

He told Off that he doesn’t know how to face the day that New will find his happiness. The less interaction they will have. The less time for each other since he isn’t the one who New will look for at random times. Maybe that’s the reason he backs away voluntarily after knowing about New’s girlfriend. He doesn’t want to prolong the interactions anymore. He just want to ignore it immediately so it will less be painful for him to adjust. He can sense few weeks before New announce to him about his girlfriend that the man is not that looking for his attention anymore. He will wait for the man’s random message at midnight only for him to receive nothing. He even went to their favorite place near New’s condo but the he didn’t see New at all. He will only have the time to talk to him during the shooting the next day and he can feel as if nothing’s wrong and then come at the end of their work, New will immediately went to bid goodbye to the set including him.

He readies himself for this. But what hurts him the most is that within him he knew that he expected something from New. It’s the smiles. It’s the looks from the man that he at least felt that they are at the same boat. He will always look at New’s eyes whenever they talk and he felt his sincerity.

He lay down on the bed and open his phone.

He opens their conversation and he felt heavier when he saw that the last message he received from New was last week. It’s short, just an update for the shooting. After that, nothing.

Tay can feel the tears will flow already so he sat up and immediately went to the bathroom to wash his face. He cannot cry. He will not cry. He should be happy right now. He promised that to New and he cannot break that promise. He chuckled sadly and looks at his face in front of the mirror.

 _“Don’t be like this Te. New wants you to be there and you fucking let go of him right when he found his happiness. What kind of best friend are you? Idiot!”_ Tay talks to himself until he realizes that he really is crying. Tay can clearly hear his heart breaking for feeling this way.

He leans on the sink and cry silently.

_“I love you.. I love you hin..”_

_\-------------------------------_

2 weeks after.

“Tay, fans are having discussions now. Did you see those tweets?” Off ask him while waiting for him to finish packing so they can go and eat dinner together with Arm.

“Saw it but I just want to rest from it. They’re demanding something from us and I can’t even tell them what’s really wrong. We’re promoting the series but we’re not okay. Should I tell them that, Peng?”

“You know that will not resolve anything and fans will discuss it even more.”

“I don’t know, Peng. I’m tired. Can we just not talk about this?”

“Tay, running away cannot solve anything too. Face it now.”

“I know. I will.”

\----------------------

New sighs deeply before removing his shoes and immediately went to his room to shower. He is so tired from the promotions and added to that, his partner’s awkward interactions with him is what makes it heavier. New looks at his phone before throwing it on his bed as he went for shower.

After showering, he cooks his dinner and check his phone. Suddenly, it’s ringing and it’s a call from his girlfriend.

“Babyyyyyy…”

“Hi! How are you?”

“I miss you. I’m okay, I just got home from the promotion.”

“I saw it. I know that it will be a success. Congrats baby..”

“I know. Thanks baby. I think I deserve a cuddle and a kiss right now?”

“I wish I can give you, I’m so far away from you.”

“Please go back here in Thailand…”

“New, you know I can’t. I got a lot of work here and you know that.”

“How’s work anyway? Are you eating on time?”

“Yes baby. Don’t worry, I’m okay here. It’s tiring and I miss you but I can do it.”

“Aww baby..”

“Oh! How’s Tay by the way?”

“He’s okay I think. We did talk during promotions and I think he’s okay and happy.”

“Oh really? I hope he’s not lurking enough on the internet. Baby do you even check you soc med accounts?”

“Oh. Why? I don’t check it all the time.”

“You go check it. I gotta go. I still have my class after this and then duty again.”

“Alright baby. Call me again later hm?”

“Okay baby. I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye.”

As the phone call was cut, New immediately open his twitter and saw the fans discussing about their interactions. Some are trying to explain and some didn’t even want to care anymore as long as TayNew are together. New wants to call Tay to ask the man if he’s okay. He knew Tay tend to overthink and it’s impossible for him not to see those tweets from the fans. Without second thoughts, he calls Tay and waits for the man to answer but the man is not answering. New worries even more and tries to call again. After 3 missed calls, Tay answered.

“New.”

“Te, where are you?”

“I just got home. Why are you calling?”

“Why do I have to wait for 3 missed calls before you answer?”

“New, I need to get my phone from my bag and I have three bags right now. I can’t remember where I put it.”

“Come on Te. I always tell you that you unconsciously put it on your fila bag.”

“I don’t remember it anymore.”

“Why are you like this?”

“New. Stop with the nagging. Why did you call? Do you just want to fight?”

“And what is I said yes?”

“What do you want from me? Stop being like this.”

“Why do you always want to make me stop?”

“Why do you keep nagging?”

“Answer me Te. I’m not kidding anymore.”

“What?”

“Ugh! Whatever I’m going to fetch you. Wait for me there.”

“Wait! I just got-”

New cut the call already and change his clothes. His best friend is a mess without him and he can already feel the guilt creeping inside of him. He found his happiness but he did not consider what Tay would feel. He knew the man is not ready for this and he’s too selfish to ignore that fact. He knew. The man loved him in a different level but he chose to ignore it because he wants Tay to stay with him for a long time. He didn’t want to risk anything. But now, what is this feeling? 2 weeks. 2 weeks without him beside the man and he feels like he just let go of him.

New is beside him but he is not. Both of them are beside each other’s but they are not. They let go of something important for them. Newwie knew that.

_Fuck it._

_\-------------------_

Both of them settled on the swing, this time no one’s pushing anyone. They both sat in silence.

Tay is still wearing his clothes from the shoot that day. He’s wearing his light make up too while New is wearing his casual clothes. They are both silent the whole ride and Tay did not complain once he saw New’s car. Finally, he did not make any mistake with New’s car. The car he’s been so familiar with came in front of him in front of the building and he immediately went inside. No greeting. Just the sound from the car can be heard until Tay saw the familiar way to their favorite place. He can feel his heart breaking upon seeing it but he held back his tears. He sighed and wait for them to park and went out of the car.

Now they are both looking up. No one’s using the swing but they are only sitting until Tay decided to push himself starts playing with it.

“Te..”

“Just let me do it first New. You always want to be pushed by me so let me just do it first this time. I’ll push you later.” Tay said not looking at New while he swings.

New felt that pang on his heart. Even with those little things, Tay reminded him that he always put him first. He knew the man did not meant it that way but New should know better.

“Remember the last time we went here? I told you that the first one who should swing first is the one will spill the problem so we don’t need to argue about it.” Tay said as he chuckled. “We always argue about it. I can still remember.”

“I remember I’m always the one who starts to swing first and you will just laugh at me softly and ask me to spill it.” New replied as he looks at Tay.

“Yes.” Tay said as he laughs softly. He stops the swing with his foot and looks at New while smiling softly. “I will never get tired listening to it, New. Even with the smallest thing that annoys you during the set, you will tell it to me.”

New chuckles and shake his head with their dumb bonding moments. He can feel Tay swings again and they went silent.

After a minute, New spoke again.

“Spill it, Te.”

“Fucking finally.” Tay said and stops the swing and stand up in front of New and looks at the man.

“Are you happy New?”

“I said spill it, not ask me. Idiot.” New replies softly as he looks at Tay.

“Just answer me and I will start spilling it.”

“Yes. I am Te. I am happy.”

“How much?”

“It can’t be measured and this is the happiness that I kept on longing before.”

“Good because I don’t know what I will do if you are not happy.” Tay smiles at him but New knew better. He can see it in his eyes. Tay is not really okay.

“Tay what happened? What happened to us?” New asks as he looks down from Tay.

Tay sat down in front of him and hold his hand.

“I’m not very vocal about this and you know that New. I can just argue with you and not take anything serious-”

“I know that you always take it seriously whenever it’s about me.”

“Yes. Because you are that important to me.”

“I know Te.. I know.”

“I’m sorry, New. I’m sorry that it happened this way.” Tay said and New looks at him this time and he saw the tears that are threatening to fall but Tay blink the tears away and New saw how he held it back like a professional that he is.

“I’m sorry I can’t keep my promise to you. That one last promise.”

“You promised to be there for me.”

“I will keep that but I can’t do it now. Will it be the same as fulfilling it but I’m delaying it?”

“Te…”

“I can fulfill that New. But let me just fix everything so I can start again.”

“Te, tell me what’s happening? Why do you always hold back?”

“I can’t let you see me breaking down because I know that I’ve been your strength during those down moments you had before.”

“We’re best friends because of the reason that we will catch each other no matter what Te.”

“You did not catch me, Hin.” Tay said as he sadly look at New, still trying to hold back his tears but failed miserably as he saw New’s painful look at him with pity. Tay hates it.

New felt that pang in his heart and he can’t hold back the tears anymore. The fact that he can hear Te calling him Hin is enough for him to break down. How much does this man held back for him? How much effort that this man did to be his strength but calling him Hin as if he’s the one giving strength to Tay. What did he do to deserve this person and now breaking because of him?

“I knew that you will find your happiness. I ready myself every day for the moment that you will tell me that you found it already. But every day, you made me feel like I’m your happiness. You ask for my attention and I’m always willing to give. You need someone to lean on and I always make sure that I’m there, anytime. I saw you struggling while being lonely and I made sure that you at least laugh with me even if it cost us to argue about something. I saw it, New. I saw how genuinely we are with each other all the time and I just thought…” Tay can’t continue. He sobs and wipe his tears but it keeps on flowing. New held his hands and stood up from the swing and hug him. They are both crying. Tay holds him tighter as if New is his strength. But it dawns him that the one he’s holding will also be the reason for his breakdown.

“I just thought you felt the same and willing to do everything for me too.” Tay said as he sobs inside New’s embrace.

New hugs him while crying. He can’t say anything. There are no words as he hold Tawan in his arms. The man saw the signals but he’s too idiot to give him the wrong one. He cannot argue back. He cannot reply back. For all the time that he will answer back Tay, this time, he cannot speak. He knew because there’s no argument. He lost his best friend along the way and he did not notice it because he keeps on looking for his own happiness.

“Hin.. argue with me. Tell me that I’m not telling the truth…” Tay said as he let go of the hug. But New hug him tighter.

“I can’t Tay..”

“Why?”

“Because all of those are true and it’s my fault. Hate me all you want. I’m so sorry.. Te.. I’m sorry.”

Tay can’t figure out what he should feel about New crying with him but the fact that New is agreeing with what he said, breaks him even more.

“Why?”

“It’s out of my love for you as my best friend Tay but I gave the wrong signal. I’m so sorry Te.”

“Can I be selfish and own you this time, Hin?” Tay asks as he let go of the hug. New looks at him, tears flowing from both of their eyes.

“Answer me..”

“You know you can’t Te..”

Tay turn his back from New and cry silently but he continue to wipe his tears even if it’s impossible to stop. He can’t afford to look this weak in front of New especially after desperately asking the man to be with him. He felt all the self-pity inside of him. He just risk everything and he knew that he miserably failed. He looks at New again, this time, he looks at him in the eyes.

“Please tell me that you are happy now and I will let go of you. I’ll be there New. I’d still be here for you. Just give me time. I’ll go back to normal. Let me just have a moment with myself and you’ll see me again. I’m sorry for pushing you and for misunderstanding this whole situation. I’ll be fine and you don’t need to worry. I still have Peng and others around me. I can do it. You. You should be happy. Always choose to be happy New. You deserve all of that. You deserve all the love that she can give to you. I know you’ll be fine. Stop crying now, hm?” Tay said as he wipes New’s face. He hold him close again and hug him even tighter.

“Spill it, New.”

“I’m happy Tay. I will give you the time you need. I’ll always be here. I love you.”

Tay hold back his tears for the last time and let go of the hug.

“Good.”

Tay turn his back from New and starts counting on his mind.

_Four._

_Five._

_Six._

_Seven._

_Eight._

_Nine._

_Ten._

The end.

\--------------------------------------------------

Fight me hahaha @berrystraw099


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